Unraveling the Past: the Third Trauma - S.A. Survivor

I was 14 and I was entering my freshman year of high school. My boyfriend at the time was turning 16. It was his happy sixteen party and a nightmare for me. Winter/Spring of 1992.

Remember from the previous trauma story, #2. , I mentioned that the previous summer I had went to California and visited family there and encountered my second sexual assault. This time, unlike the first two stories, this was now in my hometown, Checotah, Ok.

My boyfriend at the time wanted a birthday party that was fun with alcohol and normal teenage festivities. I told him, "Well, I'm not drinking." At this time, I didn't like the taste, smell, or anything that had to do with alcohol. I was 14 and had a naive innocence to me. Though I was a very feral Gen X kid, clueless apparently, and a social butterfly.

We arrive at his so-called, "cousins" house, Greg. I see a black trans am parked out front. I walk in and go straight to the kitchen where I see the cousin & a friend, who I knew at the time, but now I can't remember which of the two guys it was with Greg (I know it was either Craig or 'Looney", I got them mixed up before, so I can't really remember that one. I specifically remember looking in this glass they were holding up above their eyes looking in, of what I saw as a glass of soda with ice that had been watered down. I could see a clear liquid swirl through the glass. I assumed it was Vodka or something, but since I was wanting a nonalcoholic drink, I disregarded it. I start to make a drink, I ask where the glasses are, and the cousin says, "I'll get you a drink just go sit down in the living room and I'll bring it." I say okay, thank you and I go chill with my boyfriend in the living room.

He handed me a drink, and I took 1 sip..... Instant headache. within a little bit I am passing out and unable to function. Please remember I am 14 years old and did not know lacing drinks was a thing. At this time, I can't speak or open my eyes, but can hear off and on people talking. Head pounding with the worst migraine I had ever felt in my life. I have at this moment, no more sense of time. Actually, I remember saying to myself..."this headache is like the one when you were 3". If you read my first trauma, you can understand where my head is going as I pass in & out of consciousness. This cannot be happening. I am way to out of it to function. Then I hear the cousin say, "Shonte & I are going on a beer run!" I heard that and they tried to get me up, I couldn't stand. Why everyone put me in the damn car, I will never know. I don't even remember the door shutting behind me. I do remember saying, "I can't go, I hurt so bad. My head" but.... the story continues as I pass out.

I remember opening and closing my eyes, or going in and out of consciousness, just enough to see where we were going.... Dirt roads... "Damn!" I thought to myself as we passed our town's ball fields. We are not going in any direction of a store. I have no control. I see him stop and I'm out cold again. I wake up to the bottom half of me naked. He weighed about 300 lbs and I was 90 lbs. It wasn't hard to accomplish that task while I'm a tiny, sleeping, rag doll to him. I feel that my back, neck, and all of my body is now hurting. My spine is completely twisted up, chin over my left shoulder, right shoulder touching my chest....I instantly know & feel he is killing me. Literally, physically... killing me. My neck feels like it is going to break. I am in a position that he is snapping my neck. I remember still coming in and out of consciousness, thinking that I had to move. I had to fix my spine or I'm going to die. I keep saying to myself, "I'm going to die"....

Then I hear God.

I had never heard God's voice before this moment. I was baptized and listen in church, but never actually heard Him. BUT.....I know it WAS Him...100%. He says, "Use everything you have within My child, to scream." I reply in my head, "I can't. I do not have the strength." .... I hear in a more intense, yet gentle voice, "I have given you strength & help is coming, Scream My child, he is killing you! You have to move! Move My child, NOW! YOU MUST DO IT... NOW!" and with all that I had inside of me, swung, hit, screamed, yelled, and fought.. a 300lb piece a crap. He stopped. I lay there crying, "Please, let me fix my neck. Please stop!" I adjusted my body, and he grabbed a knife and told me to have him finish.....I drifted out of consciousness again, and woke up as a cop pulled up behind his car, as he rushed to dress me. I opened my eyes & tried to focus on listening too, and staying awake. I couldn't control my own body enough to stay alert to speak. He told the cop I was drunk and that I got sick as he was taking me home. COP LET US GO!! I obviously looked under age. I was a skinny, 5'2, 14 year old little girl.

I cannot go into details of the story through the blog. However, I have a book coming out with the full stories and my healing journey. A story of understanding evil and God showing me how to give forgiveness when I despised myself.

At 46 years old, I find myself reflecting on the weight of my experiences and the journey that has brought me to this point. I realize that I have carried this burden for far too long without harnessing its potential for a greater purpose. The trials and valleys I have faced, the challenges that threatened to break me, and the detours that tried to divert me from my path have all been part of a larger narrative that has shaped me into the person I am today. Despite the attempts of the enemy to stop me, I refuse to be held back any longer. Instead of falling to defeat, I have chosen to reclaim power and control over my own life. This decision marks a turning point, a moment of empowerment where I stand firm in fulfilling my true potential. The struggles of the past have not weakened me; rather, they have strengthened me and ignited a fire to live with purpose and determination. From this moment forward, I embrace the challenges ahead with a newfound sense of self and healed spirit, ready to overcome any obstacle that may come my way.

Having experienced three significant traumatic events that have influenced my identity and instilled in me the traits of forgiveness and empathy, I now understand the impact of sharing my journey to aid others in their healing process. Although I initially coped by remaining silent and avoiding my experiences out of fear of not being believed, I have come to recognize the power of my voice and the importance of sharing my truth. Understanding that everyone carries their own wounds, I have been moved to overcome my fears of no one believing me, or ridiculing me, for my stories. Now I can hopefully help others. By acknowledging how fear had silenced me, I have taken back control of my story and discovered strength in sharing it to provide comfort and companionship to those on their own paths of healing and self-discovery.

This particular event creates the scene for my spinal injuries of today and the creation of my upcoming charity... Stay posted for that, too!

Gold Canyon Candles, Brand Ambassador Link